The Melanie Avalon Biohacking Podcast Episode #244 - Alana Stott

TRANSCRIPT

(Note: This is generated by AI with 98% accuracy. However, any errors may cause unintended changes in meaning.)


Melanie Avalon:
Friends, welcome back to the show. I am so incredibly excited about the conversation I'm about to have. I don't even know where to start. There's just so much here. Today's episode is a little bit different from a lot of the episodes I've had on this show. So basically the backstory is I was pitched for a fabulous woman named Elena Stott for her book She Who Dares. And it's a memoir. And it's all about the incredible things that Elena has done in her life, which going up to it, I wasn't sure what to expect exactly reading the book. But it just intuitively, I just knew I wanted to meet this woman and read about her story and share it with you guys. And then reading the book, oh my goodness, I have so many different topics we can touch on. It's just kind of insane. So Elena has been basically everything. She's done so many things. She has a really interesting, fascinating history as a woman in finances and her ability to both make money, ask for money. She also actually has a book called How to Ask for Money, which I actually really want to read now. She's been a debt collector. She's been a bodyguard, a security specialist, a hotel manager, a bank manager, former Miss Scotland, which is super cool. And of course, there's a lot that we can talk about there. She's been the CEO of an intelligence -based security firm, a nonprofit consultant, a writer and producer. So many things. And then a large part of her memoir of her book that she talks about is this crazy adventure record -breaking extravaganza that she and her husband, Dean, pursued and accomplished. So it was in connection with Prince Harry to raise money for mental health awareness. They raised $1 .3 million and Dean actually did a cycling Guinness World Record breaking performance on the Pan American Highway and all the intensity and drama and production that went into that. Lots of lessons to be learned and lots of inspiration to be had. There's so much more than that. I'm sure I'm calling you Elena. Is it Elena or Alana?

Alana Stott:
I will answer to anything, but Alana is my preferred, but yes, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited for this one.

Melanie Avalon:
Well, yeah, thank you so much for being here. And Alana, I can remember that. My like my second favorite artist is Lana Del Rey. So I love the name Lana. So Alana, thank you so much for being here. We did verify. So she's in California now, which she does talk about in the book, Her Move to California from the UK. So, so much to talk about. To start this book, She Who Dares, which again was riveting. I so, so enjoyed reading it. Not that I don't enjoy reading all the books on the show, which I do, but I'm often reading, you know, health -related things and science. And so this was just, it was exciting. I was like, I get to read something like really exciting and fun. The decision to actually write it. I mean, of course it's your memoir in your life and there's so much you want to tell. And you had really, a really intense relation with the press and basically a hate campaign surrounding the work that you've done, which is crazy. And I'd love to hear about that. But the actual decision to write it, like, cause you talk in the book about a moment you had where you felt like you were being led to write this book. So for listeners, why are you writing this book?

Alana Stott:
So I've always enjoyed writing, it's always been a bit therapeutic for me and I've enjoyed just stories and storytelling. When I was a little girl, after my mum passed away when I was 15, and that was really the last time I remember the kind of creative, imaginative writing that I used to do. And then, you know, roll on forward a few years and I really had stopped. And I kind of picked up pen again when my great auntie Molly died and she was a big significant part of my life and then when she passed away, I did actually have a moment where I found her pen and it was almost like a sign to tell me to just start writing again. But really, the writing of this book in itself was, well, one thing was so many people kept asking my husband because he'd released his book when my book was coming out because so much of his book has me in it. So there was that. But it was actually a friend of mine who'd been speaking about some troubles that she'd been going through and then when I spoke to her about what I'd been going through, she'd said, you know, you need to write a book, you really need to write something that's going to help. And I think that I'd had this nervousness about actually writing my own memoirs, you know, because you're sharing your life with people. But then I realized about how many things I'd gone through that could actually help other people, you know, people could see it, that there is a way out and there's another side to this that maybe that might help. And I thought, well, if I could just help one person, then it'd be worth writing it. So let's just do it.

Melanie Avalon:
That completely makes sense. And you definitely accomplished that. There was so much that resonated and you know, so much that I'm excited to talk to you about. I'm curious, did you guys read each other's books along the way of writing it or at the end or if or when did you read each other's books?

Alana Stott:
Well, I helped edit Dean's book, so I definitely... Oh, okay. Of course he did. That's no surprise. He had somebody help him write it, and then when I was going through it, especially when we brought it to America, because we had to Americanize it and things, so we done a different edit for the American version to the British version. So I'd already read his one, but strangely enough, Dean didn't read my one till last year, and he had already been published and printed by that time, and he went to Columbia. He was on a job in Columbia, and he literally said to me, Alana, that's changed my life reading that. He said he knew all the stories. He just didn't know them from my perspective in that way. He said, I just see it in a different way now, and it really... Genuinely, I always say as a piece of marriage advice, write a book and get your partner to read it, because he was able to sit down and really absorb some of the things that he maybe didn't know that I'd gone through as much. He knew it happened, for example, when I drove the cars for him on his record break. He knew I'd done that, but he didn't really know everything that went on and what went through in my mind and all these things. So it was a huge... It was a good bit of marriage therapy, that part.

Melanie Avalon:
That's a big reason I was wondering was because you get so personal and you tell so much about your relationship with Dean and your, like, feelings and what you went through and the tension that there was. That's why I was really, really curious. Yeah, the reading process for each other. Wait, Americanizing it. So is that just changing the words or that's changing? Like, what did you change for the American version?

Alana Stott:
you know, how we spell things. And in some of the words, when we went through with with some people, I think Jocko actually read the the British version, Jocko's got a podcast and he read out the British version on air and there was so much words that he didn't understand or he didn't. So some of them I left in because I thought it was quite cute the way that Americans pronounce British words and vice versa. But some of it, yeah, a lot of the spelling we had to change just because it's, you know, American English is different from English English.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh my goodness. That's so funny. Okay. I've realized this is just a side note. I used to read so much growing up It was like my favorite thing to do that I spell I get really confused even still with a lot of spellings because I think I spell them I want to spell them the the British way because of reading like books from From over there like Oh use like the like spelling things that have Oh use we have a lot of spellings that don't do that

Alana Stott:
we moved here when my daughter was nine and sorry eight she was about eight or nine yeah and she went straight from Scottish education to American and she kept getting all her English essays wrong and her assignments wrong and I'm like it's not your fault it's just a different spell and like you'll get there eventually.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh, yeah, I bet. Oh my goodness. Okay. So when you did sit down to write it, I'm so fascinated by memory and they say quote, they say they say that whenever you remember something, you're kind of crystallizing in your mind your memory of it. And then when you remember it, you're remembering your last memory of it. So it's just kind of like an ongoing thing where as we get farther away from the actual events, we're remembering it the way we I guess want to remember it or think that we remember it. So when you sat down to write the book, did you have any experience of like, because basically, you're creating a whole narrative arc of your life. So did you feel like you were that you added any meaning as you were writing or that you were crystallizing things for you? Or like, what was the actual process like writing the book?

Alana Stott:
I feel like I was, there was a bit of a blessing because a few years before we wrote the book is when my husband done the double world record. So he cycled from Argentina to Alaska and broke two world records and it was 14 ,000 miles, but we'd done it for a mental health campaign. And when we both went into this, you know, both quite, I guess, stoic kind of people who'd been through quite a bit and just like turned on in life, we didn't know a whole lot about mental health. And we were working with 11 different nonprofits in the UK and they all had, they worked in different areas from veterans, mental health, children's, postpartum, all sorts of different things that went on. So we were really working really closely with the nonprofits to raise the money. And we were learning all this stuff about mental health. And it was stuff that I, while we were doing that, I was like, okay, maybe I might have something here and maybe there's something that I'm kind of pushing down. So when I was writing the book, I was almost realizing it during the book, thinking, okay, there's a trauma coming up here that you're now remembering, that you've pushed down and you're having to like, you've pushed it all the way down, you're now having to pull up a bit to try and remember the bits and keep it factual. Because that was my main thing was to try and make sure that I had everything exactly how it was. And if I didn't remember, I'll keep it out of there. But it was, yeah, it was really hard trying to remember everything, how it was and how your mind and I was trying to go back to like little Alana and see how would she have actually, how's it, how she feeling rather than how's 40 year old Alana feeling, you know, we're going back between the two people. So yeah, it was, it was really hard. And I did have to actually set the book down quite a few times and leave it and get back into a good head space because you were being pulled back into those positions. So there was a few times I had put it away. And actually, during the editing process, because when I went back to do the editing part, but I found that really hard just to read it rather than the writing part, the reading of it was, again, you're going back again. So it was, you know, I guess it was slightly therapeutic, but it was it was it wasn't the easiest process compared to writing, you know, how to ask for money was an awesome right, because it was a lot of research and a lot of developing the ideas. And that was really fun to do. But when it's your own life, it's a different story.

Melanie Avalon:
Did you talk about in the book the moment we're inspired to write it you talked about it just here now i was also wondering how much of the inspiration came from needing to. Respond or and it's interesting because you have a whole section about you and getting in fights about being defensive or not surrounding with everything that happened with the press and the hate campaigns against you i was wondering how much of it was a need to. Speak out against what happened with all of that.

Alana Stott:
I guess there was an element of it. I've never had, I don't hold a grudge and I do forgive pretty quickly, but there was definitely an element that was like, well, this is the actual truth and this is what happened. And I felt like we needed to wait. Dean, unfortunately, his book came out right in the middle of it all. And it was really sad how that affected his, what should have been his moment for his book release. So I did feel like we'd waited that time. We'd had the vindication, everything that had to come out would come out. So I really felt like that was a good time for it to happen. But I've always been, since I was a little girl, I've always been quite an open book. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it. And it'll be the truth and we'll discuss it. And I don't do a lot of sugar coating. So I've always been good at that. And I felt like, well, there's stories in this book that people don't talk about. We talk about things like when I talk about the sexual assault, and I talk about the aftermath of sexual assault and how a person is expected to behave and how a victim is expected to behave. I thought, well, not enough people do talk about that. Actually, maybe I'd done X, Y, and Z that wasn't very pretty, but that's the reality of life. And I thought, well, I'm happy to speak about that because I've gone past the point of care and I've been hurt enough. And I now feel like I'm strong enough that there's another girl out there going through something really similar. And if my words can help her and I can deal with any backlash, then that's cool. I'll do that.

Melanie Avalon:
I would love to talk about that section more if you're open to it, that really hit home for me. So you share about, you know, what happened to you being sexually assaulted by your boyfriend, presumably, and another man. How old were you? 17. 17. And then, so for listeners, Alana talks about her experience with that, and then the resulting court case and all of the drama surrounding that as far as the, well, I'm speaking for you, but the way it was handled and the way your friends and actually the whole, like, the public and the city responded. And there were a few different things I wanted to touch on and ask you about. So one was the feeling that you had surrounding what the laws or the court values, so what you experienced and what the ultimate outcome was compared to, I think something else happened around the same time, and you were talking about the role of what is valued. What happened with that?

Alana Stott:
Mum passed away when I was 15 and then my younger brother who I looked after since he was born pretty much, mum had been sick for a long time, he was six years old and then his dad got custody of him a little while later. So he moved away down to England and then I just had to go down to England too because I couldn't live without him. So I'm now 16 years old working in hotels, you know, you're young, you're vulnerable, you meet people. So I met this guy, short relationship, it ended back together slightly and it was that evening when I was 17 that him and his friend, I believe, drugged me, I've never really got the full answers of that and the both of them sexually assaulted me. So we had to go to court, obviously, and really it was a case of me saying I can't remember anything, I don't actually know what happened, the police interviewed them, they said what happened and then that's how it all got to court even though they then pleaded not guilty and then pleaded guilty. So it was a long process and it was a difficult process because you were constantly having to defend yourself on something that you didn't really know what actually happened. And then you were being, you know, this was a small town, so it was really, it was, you know, I'm the young girl, it was my fault, you know, you ask for it, you've behaved in a certain way, you've done certain things in the past, so it really was your fault. So these two guys, eventually they went all the way up to the court date and then one pleaded guilty, one went to trial and was found guilty and I believe the sentences were 12 and 18 months, one got 12, one got 18 months and then at the same time it was Jeffrey Archer, another author, he was up for, I believe it was perjury or he'd said something wrong or he'd done something and he got four years for that and it really blew my mind because it was the same time and the two cases, were going on and I couldn't work out why, you know, assaulting a woman and taking away a huge part of her life and ongoing, you know, everybody, any woman who's ever been sexually assaulted knows that it's not just the incident, it's the aftermath for life really and between that and, you know, saying something wrong was four times worse than what can happen to a girl. And I think that really did rub me up the wrong way and was like there's something wrong here with the way that the law is set up.

Melanie Avalon:
Yeah, something very wrong with the system. A reason that it resonated for me, I'm actually currently awaiting a court date for something that happened to me. Not as bad as what you experienced, but it was from a massage therapist and the audience actually knows about this because it happened a while ago, but the courts are so behind here actually because it happened. It was during COVID and so the cases are like really backed up. So I think it was like two years ago now, but I made a decision to talk about it publicly. I wasn't sure if I was going to, but I, after that happened, I started to like research the stats on sexual abuse and sexual, just everything that happens. And it blew me away. Like how prevalent this is and also how rarely it's reported by people. And I understand why because kind of like in your case and like in my case, even it's hard to feel really, I mean, different things happen. So I'm making a big like assumption here, but for a lot of people, I think it's hard to tell if what is happening is actually happening. And are you telling the actual truth about what happened or it can just be, I don't know. It can be confusing. I think for a lot of women. And when I started talking about it, I got so many listeners reaching out saying that something had happened to them and they never told authorities and some people told me they even went back now like today and, you know, reported something from the past. And so I really applaud you for sharing that story and bringing that whole, you know, perspective of what you went through. And clearly like you, you, I mean, not, it's not like me where I was very much awake and was just kind of trying to figure out if what was happening was actually happening. And was I over over exaggerating? You literally were drugged or, you know, not awake.

Alana Stott:
Yeah, various bits that I remember, there's like little tiny little recollections that you get now, like, again, it's one of them you've told the story that many times that you can't quite remember the full memories of everything and I don't, you know, I say to myself that I'm never going to have tried hypnotherapy like I've never got they never really told me everything. There's little bits that I remember, they both admitted to doing what they've done, but never really gave me a lot of the answers. And, you know, for me, that was a position that I was in at 17. And could I have not been in that position? Yeah, I think there's a lot of things that could have happened in my life before that would stop that. Which is why I think it's really important that you know, I've got a 12 year old daughter and me and her have a really open relationship when we when it comes to talking about the sort of things, you know, we really go deep into things that could happen in someone's life and that you how you can protect yourself and the things you can do differently. But it's not always possible, you know, there is bad people out there who are going to do things. But when it's such a he said she says case, you know, people can start to convince you you're losing your mind like, well, did that really happen? Have you know, you start really going round and round in your head. But I think I think you do it's a it's an awful crime, because you are faced with something that you know, you know, your gut is telling you it's wrong. And, you know, there was when I was a bank manager, I had a group of girls that worked with me and they were, you know, in their teens up to 20. And I remember listening to their conversation, and they were speaking about how they'd got so wasted. And they'd fallen asleep, the next thing they woke up in their, you know, their underwear was gone. And then you and I'm like, this is rape. This is rape. And you're talking about it, like it's just a normal thing that happens at the weekend. So I think the more that we do talk about it, and we do open about it, and that we can discuss with our children and our peers and our peer groups, then maybe more people would be less you know, so many people I've heard different stories, I'm sure you get them all the time, you know, I'm not sure if it did happen. But you know, I was really drunk, and I shouldn't have got myself, I shouldn't have went to that place, or she had done that thing. It's always that victim blaming thing rather than what about what he shouldn't have done. So, thank you so much. Thank you.

Melanie Avalon:
Completely 100%. From my experience, it was an interesting perspective on how the legal system handles these things because basically it all happened. I went home. I was not going to tell the police, but then I was just like bawling my eyes out and my friends told me to go. So I went to the police, but long story short, they went to, I guess, interrogate the man that night. And the detective told me that he asked the guy what happened and the guy wouldn't say anything. He just said that he wanted a lawyer so he wouldn't make a statement. And the detective said that if he had just said, oh, I don't know what you're talking about, or if he had said that didn't happen, he wouldn't have been able to arrest him. It was only because he didn't say anything that he could only go on my testimony. That was just so interesting to me that basically he could have just lied and the detective would have zero power to do anything.

Alana Stott:
And yeah, and I think there is, and especially because the United States is, you know, it's 50 states, there's almost 50 different sets of laws in different countries, and they have got some really good tasks for us throughout the states, but not in every single state. And a lot of people, it's the same way when it comes to dealing with human trafficking, they don't know what they're dealing with, and they don't know the right means of questioning and how to actually get what they want out in both ways, you know, because unfortunately, there is people that lie about things. So we need to be able to work out who's telling the truth and who's lying, but they can't go on their own, you know, egotistical way of thinking, well, I know if someone's lying or not, it has to be specific to this type of crime because it is a specific type of crime.

Melanie Avalon:
With the human trafficking, because you touch on your work in the book on it at different points, I didn't learn a ton about your actual involvement in those organizations. So human trafficking in the US, I'm so naive. Is it really prevalent? Is it happening everywhere?

Alana Stott:
Yeah, so I think the last statistics are between 46 and 50 million trafficking victims in the world today. And, you know, basically, it's happening everywhere. There's nowhere in the world that isn't being touched by trafficking. And my focus really does go down into the sex trafficking side, but I do, you know, there is domestic servitude and forced labor and all the other elements that do feed into the enterprise that is trafficking. It's $150 billion a year, you know, so it's a huge, huge business. It happens on home soil. And I think what a lot of people think as well, you know, maybe victims come in from Eastern Europe or from South America and about, you know, our own girls are getting abused on home soil. And it's really how that works is through like a grooming process. And then they get into the industry, and then they don't know how to get out of it. So I always look at it two ways. And there's a lot of my colleagues, and I love everyone that I work with in the world of human trafficking, but we all have very different opinions on prostitution and sex work and all this kind of thing. And, you know, there's a lot of people that do this freely. And, you know, you go for it, girl, that's what you want to do. And that's what you want to make your money with doing. Great. If it's you that's making your money and nobody's forcing you into it and nobody's taking your money and nobody's abusing you to make you do it, a woman has the right to her own choice. So I don't want to say anything about, you know, I don't believe that there should be a prison full of women because they've, you know, sold their body for sex. I don't believe you should go to jail for that. But I do believe that there needs to be a lot more protections and a lot more help out there for people. But the people that sell people, you know, that take people and use them and make money out of them, those are the people that I'm against. you

Melanie Avalon:
I'm super curious, are there stats, so somewhere like Las Vegas where prostitution is legal, does that have any effect on the sex trafficking rate since prostitution is legal there? Does it affect at all the sex trafficking?

Alana Stott:
Yeah. I mean, Vegas has got a huge, huge sex trafficking problem because it is very difficult to establish. So I'm in Orange County at the minute and they've got a fantastic task force. They've got the human trafficking task force here. So if somebody is doing a bust here in Orange County, they'll call the task force so they can come in and take the girls and interview the girls and they can quickly establish if this is sex trafficking or if it's prostitution. And the difference is things like, are the girls free? Can they come and go? Is it please? Are they able to leave? Do they have their own passports? Do they have their own access to money, phones, et cetera, all these things? You know, is this something that they're doing willingly or is this something that they're being forced to do? And these people are so highly trained on working that out and they've got a lot that they could improve on if they could accept help, but it's a money making industry unfortunately. So it's difficult to get everybody to buy in to and in it.

Melanie Avalon:
That's so interesting see that's nuances I never even thought about like determining the difference between if it's prostitution or sex trafficking.

Alana Stott:
A lot of more of the criminal works, they went into over drugs, for example, you know, one girl can be used over and over again, and a lot of money can be made. You know, we speak to victims of trafficking that 30 to 50 times a day they're having to perform. And these girls are just, you know, that's just how their life goes. And so if you caught a guy with a girl in the car, for example, you know, it's going to take us a lot to find out if this guy is a trafficker and if we can take him down for him, whereas if we found him with like a kilo of heroin in the car, that's really easy. Like, okay, you've got drugs, that's you, you're arrested. We need that girl to cooperate. And we need a lot of the times maybe her family's life are threatened, maybe, you know, they'll have all that information. So being able to the amount of times we would take girls into safe houses, and they would leave themselves, you know, their mind, they're so highly brainwashed into this situation that it's difficult to get them to even accept that they're a victim themselves, and then to get out of it.

Melanie Avalon:
Is this something that like we can look for or is it pretty hidden like it would really take a tip off or a report like is it something we would see there's death

Alana Stott:
Definitely ways that, you know, so from non, on the non -sex trafficking side of it, I always say to people, it's your own gut instinct. So if you're going into, let's say you go into a nail salon and you want a full set of acrylics and they charge you like $15, it doesn't make sense. How can that girl do that for that price? Still get a wage, still pay the facilities fees, everything that comes into that. If that doesn't work out, then there's a reason. There's something not quite going down here that should be, same with like car washes and these types of things. And I actually once spoke with a group of military guys, you know, my husband's special forces and I was speaking with a group of people and we were speaking about prostitution and they were like, yeah, you know, some of them were saying, yeah, we have in the past. And I said, but what if that girl was being trafficked and there were absolutely no way we would never do that. We would never. And I said, well, how would you know? And they all kind of had that blank look when they were like, well, she would tell us surely. So trying to understand that, yeah, it is a supply and demand industry and the more demand there is for that, the more that they're going to supply it. But I feel like, and I don't know all the answers, I definitely don't know all the answers. But I feel like if there was more regulations and protections for women, then it could take away from that criminal enterprise having all the control.

Melanie Avalon:
Wow, this is so interesting. Have there been any really recent developments in any of these laws or regulations?

Alana Stott:
I mean, there's some that are getting replaced with... And the other issue that I have is there's a lot of onus goes on to the nonprofit side of it. So there is regulations in various states and national regulations. The problem we don't have is we don't have international law around human trafficking because every country does have a different approach to it. I think an international approach would be incredible, but that's a longer story. The individual ones, there's always different developments going on in different states. But yeah, I always feel like we could look at a lot bigger picture on it.

Melanie Avalon:
is the majority of the work that you do creating awareness? Is it actually getting in the trenches ever? Which would not surprise me since your history with like security and everything. So how much is it hands -on versus drawing awareness, raising money?

Alana Stott:
I've always been the person that will do whatever it takes to solve a problem. So I was first introduced from a friend, she worked for an organisation to stop the traffic and she'd gone into Haiti in 2010 to help, it was these orphanages that were set up. After any natural disaster, there's always these little makeshift orphanages and then traffickers move into them. So this one particularly was for under five -year -olds and she'd gone in to try and stop these kids being taken and she immediately had a price tag in her head so she asked me to help her get security and I couldn't get anybody to do the security for it, the money was too high that they were asking for and that was really when I said no, I need to be able to help. The next time she calls me, I want to be able to be the person that just comes and does this. So that's when I trained as a close protection officer and then the more and more I learned about trafficking, the more that I was thinking, well, hold on, Alanna, you've got a brain in your head, let's see if you can work out a way that you can help in other ways, is there prevention, is there, you know, there's all these different angles. And over that time, I've had three kids of my own so there's those types of issues come with it too but I knew my fundraising element was definitely going to help so I was like, how can I help non -profits that are working and that raise money, how can I raise awareness, how can I teach other people about what to look out for and the signs, how can I bring people together? That was a huge thing that I seen was there was all these non -profits work in the area but none of them were working together and I find that throughout every non -profit, doesn't matter what industry I'm working in, non -profits struggle to come together and work and really that's the way that you're going to make the real change. So I organized an event where I pulled all these human trafficking non -profits together and just done like a huge brainstorming and, you know, we looked at collaborations and we looked at different things and it was, that was really impactful and awesome to connect people that had never spoke before, it blew my mind that these people wouldn't work together. But yeah, and then right through to, you know, we do rescues, we do evacuations, we do anything and there's nothing, like I haven't ever set up on my own, I've, you know, I'm not running my, I just want to help the other ones that are, there's plenty of non -profits out there so at this point I don't want to be doing, like, I want to start a non -profit, that's, that's not what I'm looking to do, it's more let's connect people, let's really get into pulling people together.

Melanie Avalon:
So basically there's so much without creating a whole new nonprofit there's so much potential and optimization that could happen if somebody could just come in and.

Alana Stott:
And throughout the countries, I like, I have worked with so many different countries that have got different, you know, there's certain countries that are so ahead on the online side, like preventing child exploitation online. And there's still quite a bit that could be brought over here for that. So I'm always like looking at different areas, like at the minute, I'm trying to put together a course that kids can take on protecting themselves online, just a really quick access course that they can really look into things. And I just find that by doing those, you know, my daughter, she, she knows on various different apps, as all kids are, and she knows how to look out for her friends on, you know, my friends got a public account, mum, how do I tell her to put it private and, you know, they're sharing their location when they're out, what can we do about that? And we, me and her talk about those types of things all the time. So I think if the, if the younger generation can really learn about it and know what to look for and know what to avoid, and I think that's how we can start protecting each other.

Melanie Avalon:
Wow, yeah, I mean that's a whole other world with online and social media and everything and I'm glad you talked about that cuz I was gonna ask you, you know, for parents raising children today, you know, what all to focus on? Are there some other good tips? Like, how do you recommend parents keep their kids safe?

Alana Stott:
So I never preach. That's the one thing I'll say is I'll just give you from my example that whenever we've tried to tell kids or we see examples of kids that have been told they can't have something, it almost makes them want it more. So when we're saying, well, we're just going to turn off their Wi -Fi, we're going to take their phones away, we're going to do all this stuff to try and protect them. I always say like think about when, you know, back in our day when the kids were playing in the park and the strange guy would come to the park, you know, we would make sure we got rid of that strange guy. We didn't take the kids out of the playground. We got rid of the guy. And what we're saying by telling them they can't have Wi -Fi, we're almost thinking that they've done something wrong. You know, they haven't done anything, but what we need to do is really show them how to use it properly and that things are going to happen. Like the way the world goes right now, the amount of apps that are created every day, it's really fast and we're not always protected in the cyber world. So we need to show them, well, if this guy starts to talk to you, you need to come to mum and tell mum. And it needs to be an open line of communication. So if Molly, which she has, you know, she comes to me and she says, mum, this message has popped up, like, no, great, thank you for sharing it, sweetheart. And then I'll deal with it. She doesn't even need to think about it after that. I'm going to deal with this situation. But I think the minute that we kind of shout, you know, let's just say she replies to that person and then they reply back and then you see that and then you then rightly so because your instinct is to be like, oh, my gosh, why have you done that? And then you make her feel really bad about the chat, then she's less likely to ever come to you in the future. So it's really and I've seen it when my husband's kind of went, oh, my God, what's she doing? It's like, no, she's a kid. Let's us deal with it. And we'll just stay calm. And we need to make sure that every single time that happens, she comes back to us and talks to us about it. The groomers really, so I'm looking at traffickers, but it starts with grooming and the grooming is this stage. I call that stage of trafficking. There's different people disagree, but the grooming stage is not illegal. Everything that goes on during the grooming stage is perfectly legal. You know, the love bombing, the isolation, all these things that they do to girls. And it's when mum and dad are shouting at you for doing something and then this guy's like, oh, they just don't understand you. You know, like I understand you. I care about you. I love you. You know, let me show you how I love you. And that goes on until they've eventually isolated them. And then all that's happened. And then they're getting to the point where the abuse is going to start. And then we become into the illegal section. But really, to stop it happening, you have to get it in this bit that's not illegal. And that's just by really, for me, opening a strong line of communication within the house that there's no real anger and judgment. But I do think that the banning of the Wi -Fi or banning of computers or banning of phones, they're going to find it somewhere else. I promise that they'll find that their friends will have it. Somebody will be able to give them it. And because they've been told they can't have it, it's going to make them want it more, but they're just going to be very, very secretive about it.

Melanie Avalon:
I'm doing my biggest project yet probably to date right now, which I don't think I've mentioned actually what it is on the show. So teaser for people, but I'm working on a dating app. So I'm wondering two things. Does this happen on dating apps? Do you know if it's a problem in the dating app world?

Alana Stott:
has been. So I think they've done a lot of closing down of the ones that we're allowing younger people on, but I guess it depends. I know like in the UK, you can go on at 16, 18. So yeah, there is an issue there. And you can, what you can, I mean, I don't know how you're developing your app, but you can literally show people on it. I think there is one, I can't remember the name of it. It's a female led one. And they've got some really good tips on how to avoid love bombers and grooming and all these things that can come along with it. Is it Bumble? It could be Bumble, yeah.

Melanie Avalon:
That's the one where the women ask the men out. Like the women have to initiate the date or the connection.

Alana Stott:
I mean, really, it's funny because I've never been on a dating app. I don't know what happens in those worlds, but luckily I wouldn't even have a clue what to do now. But most of my friends tell me all about it and it still scares me, it must have been.

Melanie Avalon:
Well, this is inspiring me because we were just working on, well, A, it's taking way longer than I thought. We were working on the legal and the security section, actually. And that's where it's like, you know, giving people the ability to report people. When I was approaching our work on that, I was like, I don't even know what to include here. Like, do I include, like, resources for people, like, I don't know, I'm just, now I'm just thinking in real time, like, how I need to really optimize that section of the app and make sure there's resources for people.

Alana Stott:
I have a very good friend, CIA, and various things, but she's done a lot of work on building apps and doing things, so I should definitely connect you with her because she would give you loads of advice on what to put in there and how to avoid it and things.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh, thank you. That would be absolutely amazing. Thank you. So, yeah, so we shall see how that goes. One thing I did want to just just to kind of tie up the court moment, something that stuck with me that you said in the book that is sticking with me, especially because I like I said, I still have my I don't I really don't know when my court case is going to happen, but it's been so long now. It's been two years and I don't know, could be another year. So I've been worried about like my memory of everything. But you made a comment in the book about how something about how you don't have to or I'm paraphrasing, but like you don't have to worry about your memory when you're, you know, speaking your truth. And I was like, oh, so that that like really, really has been helpful.

Alana Stott:
is I've got a really terrible memory, like my memory is like shocking amount of things. I forget my kids names half the time, so lying doesn't come very easily to me but I feel like when like they're so I get what you're saying because I completely understand what it is that almost like time can change the perspective of something and how you look at something and how you look back at something but the core of what happened doesn't change. That memory is is there and you don't have to have a good memory of it if you're telling the truth. There's going to be certain aspects of it that maybe might become a bit hazier or a bit like okay what time did I do that or when did I move there. You're never expected to remember every single little detail and I don't know if you've done any of the court side of it yet but if you don't know and you can't remember just say that. There's nothing wrong to say I actually don't know I can't remember that part like rather than try and make it up to make it sound a bit better. Stick to what the truth is stick to exactly what happened and what you can remember and don't let envy force you into change in that.

Melanie Avalon:
I love that. That's, you know, that's so helpful. And it really kind of just extends to life as well. Like I, I know like when I go on podcasts or get interviewed, this is not the same thing at all. But like, if people ask me questions, and I don't know the answer, like I have zero problems saying I don't know, like I, I almost don't understand why everybody doesn't just say they don't know when they don't know things rather than, you know, try to make up things or I don't know, like, it's just like you said, like, you can just speak from your truth and be honest. And I think that's the best.

Alana Stott:
I think I wrote about it in How to Ask for Money, because there's a big section in How to Ask for Money where I really talk about fear. And one of the biggest things that stops people asking for money is this fear of rejection or embarrassment. And, you know, I think that that's probably a reason that we don't like to say, especially as women, we don't ever want to feel inferior, I guess, because we feel that enough in our lifetimes. But so saying, well, I don't know when somebody's asked you, especially if it's on a podcast and things. But yeah, if you don't know, you don't know, don't make it up.

Melanie Avalon:
And speaking of fear, and this kind of ties into what we are talking about as well, I'm super curious. So with what you've done with all of your security work, which I'm just so fascinated by, has that whole experience made you, do you see more threats in the world or less threats? Like, do you feel more safe or less safe with all of the knowledge that you have when it comes to security and safety and the world today?

Alana Stott:
I think I'm probably equal as in, you know, as I was growing up, there was probably things that I didn't know about the world. And as I've learned about them, I've also then learned how to protect myself from them. So it's kind of balanced its way out. I think what did give me a lot more fear was as I've had kids, each child is almost like giving me this extra armor around me to say that I need to protect them and I need to learn more and I need to do more for the world. They live in and for the future that's going forward. So I mean, I definitely do in any of my girlfriends, I've got a lot of girlfriends that work in the same sort of space. And when we're when we're out in a restaurant and you know, we're trying to choose the seat, it's like which one, you know, every every person that you'll spot a person in security a mile off by where they're sat because we all sit right at the back corner and being able to see everything that's going on in the room. But so if I'm with a group of people equally in that industry, we're all back. So it's fine. We'll sit like that. But either me and my husband will still fight over the best the best chair in the restaurant. But I think that anything I'm unsure, I mean, there's definitely a lot more going on in the world. And I think that I really do try and avoid the news as much as I can as well. Because I think that can just play into creations of fear around us. What I do is just really just try and find out facts on a situation and make sure that I'm protected and that I can protect other people. And if anybody asks me for advice, I can give them whatever I need.

Melanie Avalon:
It's so funny. So the restaurant thing. So I have always, I have to sit in the corner of the restaurant. And it's not a safety thing. It's like a personal... I have to feel like I can see everything. I guess it is a safety thing. I feel most safe when I'm in the corner. My ex -boyfriend was a Navy SEAL. So whenever we would go to the restaurants, he would let me sit in the corner. But he had like so much tension about it. Not being able to sit in the corner. So that's so funny. It's something that like a lot of people don't think about. So I understand.

Alana Stott:
But we, I mean, our kids, like, our kids grew up in a way that we never, we never install fear. It's always just like, is this the safest place? Is this the safest thing? You know, so we're in a hotel, they're always the ones that are checking the locks and doing the doors and doing the various things. But as part of a fun, like, this is Tommy's job today, and he's going to do this. And it's fun. And it's never really a fear thing. But, you know, there's there's personal security and situational awareness. I think that's something that that I would just love to be out there day to day just teaching women, because we, you know, and I know that's the men need it too. But I think as females, we we do need a lot more of it. And I think that, you know, as girls are growing up right now with like AirPods and phones and all these distractions from actually looking around your environment and seeing what's going on and seeing if there is any just naturally knowing having an instinct for threat rather than having to then be taught it later in life. Do you have a podcast of your own? So Dean and I have got one that's behind the scenes. It's just talking to other couples who work in the same sort of dynamics as us. But we are thinking about breaking out a little bit.

Melanie Avalon:
but awesome and kind of just doing different topics.

Alana Stott:
Yeah, I think we enjoy just talking about the things that are going on in the world today and just giving our perspective from it. So we might branch a little bit more into that, we'll see. There's about a gazillion things on our list, which is one of them.

Melanie Avalon:
No, I can imagine. I'm just listening to this right now. I'm like, I just want more content from you where I just learned about all of this because this is so, so amazing. You talked a lot about having kids during this. So I was fascinated reading your book and it really resonated because I... So I don't think I want kids. And the primary reason for that is I'm so career focused and I'm just obsessed with my work and I haven't seen in my perspective how I could raise kids and do everything that I want to be doing at the same time. I just, energetically, I'm like, I don't know how I could do that. And so there's this theme all throughout the book of all the things that you have done and your experience of that, your identity, how your identity has been affected by your work and also your relationship with Dean and... But you talk about the role of having kids and the experience you had having kids and you have a really haunting quote about before you had your first child. One of your friends made a comment about how... Something about how your life would change completely but Dean's life wouldn't change after having kids. So I'm rambling all around, but I guess just to open up the topic, what has been your experience as a career -driven woman? And I almost don't like that we have to qualify it that way, that we even have to say that. But a career -driven woman, doing all these things just so much and then having kids. Is it...

Alana Stott:
doable? Each person will make their own decisions and I think that, you know, I've always loved kids. I've always loved the nurturing side of children and I've always had this protective feel over them that I wanted to, you know, look after. If I heard a kid crying, I was like, I wanted to give them a hug and make sure they were okay. But actually having kids, there was never, ever a good time. Everything just felt like the wrong time. And then when we fell pregnant with Molly, it was, you know, an accident and we discussed it and we were, you know, Dean had just been injured. So he had a parachute and accident and got discharged from the military, like medically discharged. So he was going through like huge changes in his life at that point. I'd literally just give him my notice to the bank because we were setting up the security company. So I didn't have a full time job now. We're going into self -employed where Dean's injured. We're not sure what we're going to do and now we're pregnant. But we both kind of just knew that the baby was made out of love and we let's just see how this goes. And then, yeah, this one lady, she said to me that, yeah, your life Alana is about to change, you know, completely 360. His won't change at all. And I thought, no, no, that's not going to happen me and Dean. We're a team. We're going to do this together. And then, yeah, when I had Molly, my life did completely change. And, yeah, his was able to carry on. He was able to go and work. He was able to do the things. And I just had a complete, I had a complete identity crisis because I'd never not worked. Like working was everything to me. I loved, I love stressful environments. I love being like hyperactive all the time with when it comes to work. So now I'm just, I've got this baby and I was still working. So I was still running the security company, but I was losing this identity. And because it was a security company, I would sometimes struggle if I wrote an email from Alana, I couldn't get a reply, but if I then would change that and say it was from Dean, I would get the reply immediately. So my identity was being lost in all sorts of angles. And that did go on for a little bit. And then we had Tommy and we had, we had a lot going on at that time, but it was me that took the control back. You know, I said, well, no, actually this whole thing, I can have children and still do all these things that I want to do if I'm doing it on my terms and Dean kind of has to fit in. So it's taken a long time for me to work out that whole, how it can work and how you can do it your way. And a lot of the time I spent building up Dean's world and making sure that he was good and that his career was going well, and that I was, you know, I would keep, I had some property development business going. I had my, I had a lot of other things that we were financially okay with, but I needed to keep his mind good. So I was always, as the, as the mum, you just become like help, helping everybody. And then I was forgetting about what it was that I had. And over the years, we've just said, actually, I have a lot of ability to, to do, you know, to provide for this family. If I can work out a way that, that I can still do all these things, still be the mum that I want to be, still be the wife to Dean, then it can work as long as we can communicate. So even right now, you know, I work in the house. I mean, I have my own space in the garage and my 16 month old, 17 month old now, actually, she's in the house, just like, you know, meters away from me with the nanny. So I can see her throughout the day, all day. We have one day off a week that we don't do any work stuff. And then we have the weekends with the kids and we just make it work. And then what I'm saying is that there's no, you know, I think I say it in the book as well, that when I was 15, after mum died, I found out I was pregnant. And, you know, the doctors told me that the abortion was the way to go. And, you know, that still sticks with me. And I still think about that baby all the time. I think about how that could have been different and what could have happened. And, you know, it would have changed my life completely if I'd had a baby at 15. Well, like, who knows? Like, is there a good time or a right or a wrong time to have a baby? I don't think so. Because, you know, all three of my other children were weren't planned. But they're all a huge blessing. And every time that there's another one, like, I remember thinking, have I got enough love for another one? And then it comes along. And it's like, Yes, I do. There's so much even now. I'm like, we could have a fourth. Let's have a fourth. Like,

Melanie Avalon:
I'm just so, so inspired by this and intrigued by it because I really, I think about it a lot. It's interesting because so I had Gabor Mate on the show and I asked him this question about like, could you have kids and, you know, be a, there we go again, career woman. And he was like, he basically said, no, I mean, well, he basically said, he basically said, you got to take the first like three years and it has to be all for the kid. And I was like, I don't know if I can do that. And then what I was thinking about kind of like as a dichotomy was I have two podcast friends that are girls and one had her child and took, you know, a decent amount of time off and was not, you know, working immediately after that. But then the other podcast girl, she had a baby and then she was literally recording like, you know, a few days later. Something that made me think about was I also wonder, because going back to that, you know, that blanket statement from Gabor Mate about three years, you know, not doing any work. I wonder how much it matters though, your, your happiness, like the mom's happiness in that, because if you had a kid and then you decide not to work at all, because that's the way you need to raise the child in the most healthy manner. But if you're completely unhappy, I'm sure that would, you know, carry over to the child compared to if you're working and happy and have created this arrangement where you're still like, you know, where you're doing this with we said 16 month old.

Alana Stott:
Yeah, she's 17 months now. Yeah, I have friends who decided that they wouldn't work at all, and that they would raise their children. And some of them, you know, that works really, really great for them. Other ones, you know, I've got a friend whose children are growing up now, and she had babies really young, and she's had all these kids, and now she just doesn't know what to do, and she's trying to get back into things. But, you know, she's, you know, 20 plus years have passed, and she's never really done anything outside of being a mum. And don't get me wrong, being a mum's like, there's a lot you learn, and there's a lot you can put into a resume while you're raising children. But she's really struggling with her identity and how to find not being a mum, like not having to raise the children. So again, everybody has their own individual. But for me, I wanted to be a mum, and I love being a mum. Like being a mum is number one above everything for me. But for them, they can't have the mum that is the best mum if I'm not being me. Like being me is doing the work that I do and helping people and doing, you know, whatever part of my job that I'm doing on that day, I get excited by it. And that brings out me when I was raising Molly, when Molly was young, and I wasn't doing anything close to what I should have been doing, I wasn't a nice person. And you know, and I would turn to things like, like right now, if I had a glass of wine, I'm having a glass of wine, because I'm having fun, and I'm enjoying myself, and I'm trying out a new brand or whatever, or we've just, you know, we've just done a deal, and we're celebrating, or we're going out for family meal. When I had Molly, I would just be sitting there drinking wine by myself, because Dean was away, Molly was sleeping, I've got nothing to occupy my mind with. And it wasn't, it wasn't Alana that Alana is now. So I think that if somebody said to me, you can have kids, but you're not allowed to work, that would just, that would break me, like I couldn't do that. I have to be who I am in order for my kids. And I don't know, you could speak to all three of them if they were happy. I think they're, you know, they live a pretty good life. And, you know, the baby's still just as much in love with me as the other two, as the other two. And you know, and Lorena, who's our nanny, she's been with us since the start, and she just adores her, you know, she has that, you know, I know that she's safe with her. I know that they're having fun. Dean and Harold go off and do things. You know, there's definitely for the third baby, Dad gets a lot more time with her than what he did with the first one, because Molly was attached to me, because I was the only one who was ever there. Whereas because Harley's got all these people that love her, she's a lot less just, just clingy with me. So there, there is no right or wrong, but I would never let anybody tell you that it's impossible because it 100% is not.

Melanie Avalon:
I love that so much. The way you said it was exactly what I felt, which was, you know, if I had a, if I had kids and then they told me I couldn't work, I would just, I would lose.

Alana Stott:
my mind. But you then, you also then will know when, you know, if the kids need me, like that comes first. It doesn't matter if the phone's ringing or if people are trying to get hold of me, I'm like, my kids are first. There is that side of it. But that also can show any prospective employer or client that you do have boundaries and that you do have lines that won't be crossed. So there is still a pro to putting kids first.

Melanie Avalon:
Okay, you just dropped a word that's one of my favorite words, which is boundaries. Because people often ask me, I guess, with all the work I'm doing, like, how do I keep doing it? And I, I often say that it's really like boundaries, like, like self care and boundaries is so important to me. And so a theme throughout the book that I picked up on was you talk about how you weren't respecting your own boundaries and a lot of situations. So I'm wondering what your evolution has been with personal self care boundaries, and what role that has played in everything that you've accomplished.

Alana Stott:
Yeah, it's definitely been a long work in progress, you know, since I think since as young as I can remember, I've always looked after someone or there's always been somebody dependent on me. And that person would always come before who I was. So whether it was my little brother, whether it was the kids, whether it was Dean, there's always some of these needs that I've prioritized over my own. And there got to a stage in life where really, I didn't really sleep, I worked around the clock, I looked after the kids, I looked after Dean, and it just went on and on and on. And like, literally, I would have nights where I didn't sleep, and then maybe the next night, I would do two or three hours, and then I'd maybe have one full seven hour, and then I'd go back to no sleep. There wouldn't be any care for me. And I would have areas that I could control. And I think I do talk about in the book that my eating would be something that I would use as a way of control. And I had some issues around that. And I would control things in the wrong areas. And I had to learn, first of all, I had to learn a lot of self love. I didn't have a lot of self love growing up. I grew up quite chubby in a kind of impoverished area and didn't have the best clothes, didn't have the best looks, didn't have the best styles. And then like that, there was all the pretty girls in school, and then there was me. And I had these huge amounts of negative thoughts about myself. Sitting here right now at 41, I've never felt better about myself. I've never felt that I looked better. I've never felt that I've loved myself any more than what I do now. And it's just taken so long for me to come to that stage. And I love who I am right now. But I had to force that situation of, no, you're going to take some time for yourself. You're actually going to get sleep every night. You're going to put yourself forward a little bit now and then away from it. And don't worry, it's still there. I'm still fully caring, look about everybody else before myself a lot of the time. But then I do say to myself, no, this is Alana time. This is Alana's moment. Dean's perfectly capable. He can look after kids. You're going to take this moment. And I guess it was setting my own boundaries for my own self and then being able to delegate those tasks and take away a bit of that control that I had over everything.

Melanie Avalon:
I think the hardest reframe for me was I had this idea that it was selfish to have these boundaries for personal self -care, rather than it took a while for me to reframe that. And then once I embraced that reframe, I was like all about it, like have the boundaries. It's kind of like the, you know, on the airplane where they say to, you know, the whole mask thing. Thank you. Your honor.

Alana Stott:
mask on first. Yeah, I think that, you know, my mom was 37 when she died. And I often think about that. And I think like, a lot of people are scared of getting old. And I'm like, well, I'm blessed for every, you know, when I turned 37, I was like, yes. And I really do think that's when everything like started really living within me, like, I was like, Okay, no, I'm gonna live and I'm gonna keep living. And so now it's all like, how do I make life carry out? Like, I'm, you know, I'm not thinking about retiring. And I'm not thinking about growing old. I am like, just, how can life be better? What can I do? How can I improve my health? How can I improve my energy levels? How all these things are the things I think about that I want to stay this way for as long as I can and do what I can to improve it. So between Dean and I, we're always looking for ways to make our physical mental spiritual side better.

Melanie Avalon:
To clarify, so turning 37 was where you had a huge turning point because I'm guessing up until then it was kind of like this haunting, like it was kind of an agilist to death in a way.

Alana Stott:
Yeah, I had this strange fear that up to 37, it was like, do as much as I possibly can, and just keep going, work as hard as you can and fast as you can, because any day could be your last. And I know that what happened to her, she had colon cancer, and it had gone unchecked, and the doctors had messed up a lot. So I have had checks, and I've done all those things. So I know that it was irrational because I was looking after my body, but I never knew a female past that age. No, I didn't have a person that was my mom that I could say, well, this is what happens after 37. I didn't know.

Melanie Avalon:
So it sounds like that was a big shift for you. And then I was fascinated when you had the trip that you took to the U .S. to, you know, quote, find yourself. I'm curious because I've heard that not that exact experience, but people will often share an experience of that. Actually, I had Misha Tate on recently. She's actually her episode airs very, I think this week, but she's a really big MMA fighter and she talks about her whole journey she took across the U .S. to find herself. So it sounds like a thing people do. I'm curious, did you have any, like, did that make an acute, intense change that trip that you took throughout the U .S. when you were younger?

Alana Stott:
Yeah, for sure. It was always in my mind to do. I've done a lot of traveling before, but the US always had something that really drew me. There was something I wanted to do forever here. So my plan was literally to fly into Miami, pick up a car and just go. I didn't have a route plan. I didn't have anything specific I wanted to see. I just wanted to just go and just drive around. That's really what I'd done. I would just stop at motels and just little spots here and there and just keep driving. If I wanted to stay longer in one place, I would. If I wanted to keep going, I would keep going, but it was all just me. Nobody else was there. Obviously, I had to speak to people, so I'm a complete introvert. So I've got to force myself to come out and have conversations with people. So I was doing that. I think it gave me a lot more sense of who I was, what I was capable of. There's stories in there. I ended up driving in Tijvarez and Mexico and all sorts of things that went down. But I think I grew up on that trip as well. There was definitely something that came out of me. Just being things like standing in the Grand Canyon, but by yourself. I think social media was there, but I wasn't really using it as much. I think I had Facebook and I would take the occasional picture, but nothing really went on while I was there. It was just me and my own thoughts by myself. I think that whether it's that or whether it's a retreat or whether it's just a breakaway on your own, I think it's always going to have some sort of effect on you to really be in touch with yourself.

Melanie Avalon:
It's so interesting. So there's that whole aspect of it. Then also you talked about different moments that you had where like a third party, like a man would comment on something. Like you talked about the man in Savannah that made a comment to you, and you talked about when you got off the plane and we're feeling really disheveled and tired and worn out, and somebody made a comment to you about your looks and your beauty. But I've had those moments. It's fascinating to me how much they really have stuck with me, and I'm not sure what it actually means about my views around beauty and self -worth and everything. But I've had, because you shared one of the moments in your book, and I was like, I've had that exact moment. Because I remember I had a moment where I was really exhausted and worn out, and not feeling good about how I looked, and just wash and plagued by not liking myself at that moment. I was at the grocery store, and some man came up and just randomly told me that I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. That moment, I had so many reflections and epiphanies, and it made me feel better about myself. But then I was like, wait, but now am I getting external validation from other people, but maybe I'm over -analyzing everything. I just said a lot that doesn't really have one theme. But what was your experience with all of that self -worth beauty perspectives?

Alana Stott:
true but we are taught right now like there's definitely like a moment of women saying you know we don't need to be validated we know we know we're beautiful we know we're amazing but we kind of do and I remember my granddad was one of the most like amazing men that I'd ever met and he was a strong proper gentleman guy and he used to call me the ugly duckling and he would call me the ugly duckling because the ugly duckling grew up to be this beautiful swan so that was by the time while I was the ugly duckling it wasn't so much fun but I think that when a random stranger does pay you a compliment and you know that it's just a passing compliment it's it can make you feel and that's okay if it makes you feel good we we do like a little bit of that now and then and you know like my son he's seven he he is the sweetest boy in the world and he says what he thinks you know he calls his sister ugly all the time which is mean but if I've got like a pretty dress on or if I've done something with my hair he notices these things and he's like oh mom you look so pretty or mom I love your nail color today or you'll see these like random little things and it just makes me so happy for the rest of the day so it's nothing to do with you know I need validation from a man because my my little boy is you know I don't think of my little boy in any other way in this sweet little boy that I mean but he can make me feel so amazing just by his little words and I think that we can I try and do it as often as I can if I see somebody who looks pretty or who looks who's got a nice coat on or their hair looks nice I try and tell them that I'll try and make that effort to pass that on to someone too

Melanie Avalon:
I love this so much. Yeah. And I'll refer to listeners I've had on the show. She wrote status games. I don't know why I can't remember the name, but basically the idea is that we get serotonin from, like we get serotonin release from all of these different things that have to do, have to do with social hierarchy. So it is things like people saying you look pretty or like fawning even. But basically in society, for whatever reason, we've decided that that feeling you get from that is a bad thing, like that you shouldn't feel that. So that you basically you shouldn't feel good if people tell you that you look nice. You know, she makes the case that it's literally just evolution. And that's like, that's the way we are supposed to feel. And so we shouldn't feel bad about feeling that way.

Alana Stott:
I think it's great that we're finding all these strengths, but we've still got to remember that we do have femininity and masculinity, and we are allowed to feel things. If someone tells my husband that his muscles looked particularly big that day, he's going to feel good. He's going to feel like, oh yeah, my workout's happening. We all have that, and I don't see why we would want to take that feeling away, feeling nice about yourself and somebody else noticing it, or somebody else just telling you, especially if you're having a down day and you're just not feeling good at all, and somebody says, oh, you look amazing. Why would we not want that? Or why would we be so loud?

Melanie Avalon:
also related. So your experience running for Miss Scotland and becoming Miss Scotland and then, you know, doing the Mrs. World pageant. So what inspired you to do that, to enter the pageant? And then, you know, what was your experience like being in that world? And I'm really curious, being in that world, because I know you felt like you were an outsider to that world. Did you feel like once you met all the women in the pageant world, were there many women with your perspective on things?

Alana Stott:
So there was, so I entered actually when Deema's on the bike ride and I think I was at that point where I really had put every bit of focus into everyone else, you know, there being a real, like everything had been about everyone for such a long time. And so I think, I can't remember how it popped up, maybe it came up on Instagram or something popped up about, and I looked at it and it was like an empowering network of women for, you know, mothers, wives. I can't remember the exact description, but I was like, oh, that sounds like something that I'd be interested in. And also to, you know, you got to promote a cause. So I thought a great way to human trafficking. And so I entered, I think I entered the Mrs. Aberdeen, which was my home city, one that then went to the Mrs. Scotland, and then it went to the Mrs. World, which was in Vegas. So the first meeting I had was in, it was, I can't remember the hotel, she was going out in my head, in London. It was the Dorchester, that was it, Dorchester in London. And we all got together. And then I remember the first person I met was Mrs. England, Jordana, and she was just like stunning, like stunningly beautiful, completely like long black brown hair, just beautiful woman. And we became quick friends, but she had all these nerves about she didn't have the cause that you're meant to have. She was nervous about the interviews. She was nervous about the speaking parts, everything that I wasn't nervous about. She was nervous about. So then she kind of worked a lot with me of, you know, things like teaching me how to walk, which was like something that just made me laugh when they said that I couldn't walk properly. And then she would teach me about fashion and how to put clothes together and how to have like capsule wardrobes and all these things I knew nothing about, like nothing, nothing, nothing, makeup here, that kind of thing. And then I would try and bring her confidence out in the speaking side of it and doing all these things with her. And we just really did become really quick friends and we were polar opposites to each other. And then when we got to Vegas, there was I think four A1 women from different parts of the world. And as I would sit individually with them, I would learn all these things about them and all these things that they've done were just incredible. Like some of their stories and who they were, they it was it was amazing. But what was blew my mind was that the interview part of the process was like four minutes. And this was a week long event, the four minutes was the interview side of it. So it was like, OK, well, it says it's about the business side of you, the wife, the mother, all these things. But there's 20 minutes where you're stood in a swimsuit, for example. And then there's all these things, but we're only going to talk to you for four minutes. So that kind of blew my mind. And then I think the first night or was it the second very early on, we had a dinner at Benihana's and the guy who was organizing it, he was just being very rude to the servers. You know, he was like clicking his fingers and whistling and doing all these things. It was kind of pissing me off. So I I was getting irritated by it. And then he kind of said, oh, is this does anybody find this route? Raise your hand. So I raised my hand straight away. I find this route. But nobody else did. Nobody else in the room did. And I think that's when I realized, oh, yeah, it's a competition. You know, we've we've got to. And then I thought, maybe this isn't going to be for me because I'm not going to be able to keep my mouth shut this whole time. And then there was a few other little instances that went on. And I guess I knew halfway through that it wasn't really my thing. But I love learning about the girls that that were there and everything that they done. And I wanted to know more about them. I just wished it was more about them and what they'd accomplished rather than what they they looked like. And then, you know, at the final when we were up on stage and doing all the things and backstage, you know, the girls that didn't make the top 12, like they were my like favorite people because of their stories and because of the amazing things that they'd done. But, you know, because maybe I don't know, they didn't look as good in a swimsuit. I mean, I thought they were all beautiful. So I don't know how you judge those things. But there was definitely that feeling of this could be so much more. This could be we could really be meeting amazing women instead of just focusing on this stage section of it.

Melanie Avalon:
Maybe you should have your own pageant.

Alana Stott:
As soon as I came back, I was like, right, I'm setting up my own thing, I'm going to hear my music. But then I realized that I was too busy to become a pageant director.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh, wait, which speaking of, I think one of my favorite parts of your book, and it was a small little part, but I live by my to -do list. That's the, okay, so when people ask me how I get everything done, I basically say the self -boundary is sleep, and then I say having lists, like I live by lists. And for listeners, Alana literally has a section where she talks about how she makes lists. And we do the same thing, like the way you approach your lists. I'm like, yeah.

Alana Stott:
They're written as well. I'm not good with electronics, but even in front of me right now, I have my whole to -do list here.

Melanie Avalon:
No, like you said, you said like a physical planner.

Alana Stott:
yeah yeah and just for a notebook just a physical it has to be like written with pen and paper and then i get to tick it off when it's done

Melanie Avalon:
Oh, 100% like because my system like I would die without my planner. It's funny I got broken into and they took like so much stuff and I was like, well at least they didn't take my planner because if they Had taken my planner

Alana Stott:
Take it, take the jewelry, take whatever you want, just leave it there.

Melanie Avalon:
Don't say the planner like I even do the same thing where like I write down every day what I have to do And then any and I check it off and if I don't finish it then I put it on the next day

Alana Stott:
Well, I think as well, if somebody stole my planner, it would be so confusing because we have intelligence tasks, security tasks, Molly school tasks. We have the families that everything's on my list, so it would be like, who is this woman?

Melanie Avalon:
She do I don't I literally I'm like thinking about it right now. I'm getting like a little panic attack I'm like, what would I what would I do? And and same as you I I can't you I mean I I use the Electronic if people give me an invite like it's in my electronic thing But I don't I really honestly and this just goes to show how perspectives of people can be so different I really don't understand how people Just work with an electronic Planner like I don't I don't understand

Alana Stott:
I think it is scary. And the other cool thing that I've got is I've still got my list. So I keep my to -do list. I've got, you know, probably going back 10, 20 years of books with like notes in them. And when you look back at them and just see how far you've come, you know, what was on your to -do list 10 years ago compared to what is now, I love that feeling. You don't get that with electronics. You're not going to be able to go back through your calendars or your diaries. And also Dean loves it too. You know, we've got a system right now where I make his warrior list, we call it. So Dean has a little warrior list and I add things into it that he has to get done. And he absolutely loves that. And, you know, he was a soldier before. So having objectives and targets and things like that, he loves. So I can just add them knowing that they're definitely going to get done.

Melanie Avalon:
Two thoughts, something that did stick with me was I did read to not let yourself get into the habit of, because I've noticed I will do this if I let myself do it, is like, don't just write something on the list so that you can like immediately check it off for like a dopamine hit, like, because I will do that sometimes. I might be guilty of that.

Alana Stott:
I might be good. Yeah.

Melanie Avalon:
I was keeping all of mine because I have, they're like yearly planners and I did have all of them. And then I went through a phase where I'm like, I just got to throw everything away. So I actually threw away all my old planners. I can't do that activity now.

Alana Stott:
a good clear out because I think you know when before we moved here we had a huge clear out and when we arrived in the States we had eight bags that was it between well there was four of us then but I did still have a couple of boxes in my dad's garage that I've kept that have got things like that in them but I do have a firm rule that it has to make you happy but you know I I do like to keep stuff and I keep the kids stuff but I don't keep anything that makes me feel sad you know sometimes we look back on things and it's and it's that and I had a moment probably ten years ago where Dean and I just went through all the boxes and I had things like newspaper clippings from the sexual assault and things like that and it was just like you know what let's just get rid of all them we don't need any of that it only stays with us if it makes us happy

Melanie Avalon:
Oh, I like that. I love gathering the tips of like letting things go because it can be hard to... A good tip I read was that you should go through your closet and ask yourself, would you buy this today? Like if it was on the rack and you're at the store. And that's really telling because there's things that you like, but it's like, would I actually buy it right now? Probably not.

Alana Stott:
I think mine would be. I do get slightly sentimental with clothes, especially if it's a dress or something that's had an important moment in my life. I can't get rid of them. And Dean will be like, are you ever going to wear it again? I'm like, well, I don't know, maybe, maybe I will. But yeah, I could do with a little bit of a clear out right now.

Melanie Avalon:
Actually, clothes are my, they're my weakness. So correct me if I'm wrong. So did Prince Harry have wanting to raise the money for the mental health, like his whole thing, and then you pick something to do for it?

Alana Stott:
Yeah. So originally it started, so Dean had his injury in 2010. So he basically came out of a plane, his parachute got caught, and he had to open the parachute, his leg got ripped, and everything got torn, and he had to land. And then that was him literally, you know, medically discharged immediately. And we had two years of quite major rehab and operations and various things to get him going again. But it took a lot of his mental strength away as well because he couldn't do the things he used to do. So we tried a lot of different things. He was working in the security industry. There was a lot of things going on, but we couldn't get him back into that, you know, warrior mindset, I guess, that he used to have. And we bought a push bike, and it really was just helping with his knee because he couldn't run or he couldn't do some of the other physical activities he used to do. So we got a push bike, and we found that he was doing really well with that. But then what I was saying was that he's still not getting that hit, that adrenaline that he used to get. So we need to think of something else that he can do that's going to bring back that without him going to war zones, getting shot at and everything. So we then decided that we would do something like a world record. And I think Dean originally looked at across Africa, and then I found the Pan America Highway, which is the longest road in the world from Argentina to Alaska. So we decided he was going to do that. And we said, well, we should absolutely do this for a cause. So immediately, it was human trafficking. But at that same time, Harry was setting up heads together, which was a mental health collaboration. So and this was basically going to bring all the mental health causes into one area where people could come for help. So he was telling Dean about this one day to go back. Dean and Harry have known each other for a long time. They trained together in the military. So he was setting up this cause, and Dean said, well, I'm doing this bike ride. And then Harry was like, could we do something together on this? And that was when we said, well, how about we raise a million pounds for heads together, your collaboration, and we'll do the bike ride. And that was really how it came about. So they made like a little video together, and they'd done a few bits together. And I think it was around about the same time as Harry met Meghan. So there was a lot going on during that period, for sure.

Melanie Avalon:
approaching it, were either of you nervous about his ability to accomplish it? Because it's such a huge feat, but reading it, it seemed like you were both very, you know...

Alana Stott:
No, it's something that we're actually asked a lot about that side of it, and not once. We always say the exact same thing. Not once did we think that Dean wouldn't achieve it. When we set the mind to... I think the first 100 -mile ride that he'd done wasn't long after we decided on it. And I saw his ability then, and I said, yeah, he's doing this because Dean's got this incredible ability to basically do anything he sets his mind to, especially physical things. There isn't really a... You know how most of us, if we go to the gym or if we do something strenuous, we get tired and we get out of breath and we want to quit and we want to... He doesn't have that. He doesn't have this thing that tells him to stop. He just keeps going until whatever objective you've set him is done. So I knew that he could do it. I just needed to make sure that we could, first of all, financially do it, that we could raise the money that we said we were going to raise, that we could... The weather, et cetera, because there was a lot of that was against us as well. But I think I hadn't... I think it wasn't until... So at one point, Dean was cycling from Argentina and he was coming up towards Alaska. We had to get cars down to Dean for the Darien Gap. So there's a gap between Panama and Colombia that you physically can't cycle across. It's just a gap of jungle, impossible jungle. So the Guinness Book of World Records allows for you to cross that path on the plane. So we had to get another set of cars down for his support vehicle. So I was driving down to drop these cars off. And at one point I was driving through Mexico and I was coming down a hill and I must have drove for like 20 minutes down this hill. It was such a steep hill where I literally had my foot on the brake going down this hill. And as I'm doing it, I'm thinking, this is the road Dean's taken back. I've just drove 20 minutes down this hill. He's cycling up it on the way back. And I think that's when I went... He is just like some sort of crazy machine.

Melanie Avalon:
Whoa, okay, so quick question. So that part that they can fly over, the road is still there, it's just you can't, it's too hard to go on.

Alana Stott:
There's not a road there, it's just a huge bit of jungle, so there has been documentaries made about people going into it, but it's really, really dangerous. I think there's tribes in there. I don't know everything about it, but I know that they don't allow people. There's no tourism allowed, or there's nothing like that allowed to happen there. So they're going to set the standard that you're allowed to fly across the gap.

Melanie Avalon:
That's so interesting.

Alana Stott:
36 miles, I think it is. It's not a huge chunk.

Melanie Avalon:
How many miles was the whole thing, the record?

Alana Stott:
14 ,000 miles 14 ,081 or something and he did it in how long 99 days oh my god

Melanie Avalon:
So how about that moment at the end in Alaska when they came and wanted to deliver a message from you to him? So if you hadn't delivered the message you delivered, do you think you might have given up? I don't know.

Alana Stott:
think he would ever give up. He was cycling the road. There were people with him who were probably less confident in his abilities than what he was. I kept setting him targets to get to the next stop. I knew from day one he was coming in under 100 days. He'd set this target of 117 days, and then he reduced it, and then he was just beating all these records along the way. So, I'd always said he was going to come in under 100 days. So, on this very last day, he was only 40 miles out, but this was the Dalton's Highway, which is like the Ice Road Truckers Road. And the support team, production team, came ahead to me and said that he was done, that he was absolutely exhausted, that he couldn't get there. And we had like one day left to get him in under 100 days. I literally just said to him, his kids are here, his wife's here, go back there and tell him, move his ass basically. We weren't taking no for an answer that he better get here in this day. I was really harsh about it. And he says that he was going to do it anyway. I don't think he ever would have given up, but I wanted him to come in at that time. I thought that time was really important. So, it was just a case of just every last bit of thing that you've got, use it and get here because we're kind of done waiting for you now.

Melanie Avalon:
I went on a tangent. I love just learning about different cities. And so what was the name of that city in Alaska where it ended? I started researching that. I was like, whoa. This is like a crazy place to live, like people who live there. I was reading about the store that they even do have. I don't know what it was like to live there.

Alana Stott:
And I don't think there's many people actually live there. I think there's like, I mean, there are people who live there, obviously, but like, I was the same as you. Like, what is there? I think it's Shell or BP that kind of run it. And then, so there's no real alcohol or anything because everybody's like, who's there works. I was reading about that. Yeah. So when we arrived, the kids, so Molly, ages wise, I think there were like two in seven at the time. And we had to get like a tunnel so they could run through it because it was so cold that the kids weren't allowed to be outside for even a second. So we had to run through this tunnel into the truck and then we'd gone from the truck to the next tunnel to get into this accommodation. It was basically accommodation for the offshore workers and they gave us a couple of rooms that we could stay in. And there was a lady worked there and she worked there. I think she'd done like three months on and then she went home to wherever she was from and then somebody else would replace, but that was really, there was maybe, I don't even know if there was 20 people lived in that place. I don't know. I'm sure you can be corrected on the actual people that live full time on the island. But it was, yeah, one store, but I guess a busy enough place as well, because people do come to that road and it's a historical place, I guess, but not a lot. I mean, definitely on the plane, when we were getting the plane up, it was just oil workers, just all guys, and then me and the kids, which is crazy.

Melanie Avalon:
That's crazy. Yeah, I went down the rabbit hole. I was like reading about the food they have there, like so interesting. And then yeah, and so I touched on it briefly in the beginning, but the experience, so basically you served as, you know, the producer of this whole extravaganza and you guys were filming it and you had a team and there was a lot of drama that went down. So what was your experience? I just want to ask like, it's like, why? Like, why did these people do what they did with their reactions? It's interesting. So I Googled, it wasn't before picking up the book, it was at some point during the book, I randomly Googled Dean and the first, the first thing that came up was a press, a negative press piece about him. And like, you know, was, did he cheat or whatever? So your experience of that, like, why did people get, you know, all of this intense reaction to you? And is it still, is it still happening now?

Alana Stott:
touch wood, a lot of it I blocked, so I don't know, like, really, the intentseness of it were coming from four or five people, so it wasn't hordes of people, but the amount of noise that a couple of people can make was bad enough, you know, they really did put their full -time effort into trying to do us harm. The whys of it, I've actually always been interested in this since then, and I've spoke to a lot of people about it, that actually some people that have been through similar circumstances. I was interviewing the Iron Cowboy for our podcast recently, and him and his wife went through something very similar. I think she studied psychology, and she wanted to find out a bit more about why people react to successful people in certain ways, and there is so much out there about it, and at the time, for me, it did break me a little bit because I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand how much hate was coming towards us for just trying to do this thing, and I know that, you know, in that article that you're speaking about, one of the guys in particular says that they weren't getting enough media attention. I know that the guy that actually wrote the article, he was somebody who was, I think he was like the defense editor, you know, so nothing to do with like general gossip stuff, but he wrote this stuff saying that Dean had basically cheated on the bike ride and saying that there was two frames and that he had used a second frame, which actually within the Guinness guidelines was allowed, but he hadn't done it. We had a second frame on the car that the first frame broke. He would use the second one. It never broke, so he never needed to use it, but if he had used it, it would have been allowed anyway. I sent the Guinness guidelines to the journalist and said, look, he didn't break any rules. This is exactly what the rules were. Guinness have confirmed this, and he still printed it, but really he printed it because it said Prince Harry's Special Forces friends, and now I know more about, you know, cliques and all these kinds of things. I think even Harry told us that the inverted commas around the cheated gave them an out because it meant that they weren't actually saying it. They were, you know, putting these little inverted commas over it. So for us, we were saying, yeah, but nobody knows it. That's what that means. It's, you know, it's accusing Dean of doing something that he would never do, and there's nothing we can do about it as, you know, little people. What are we meant to do to stop this? And then, you know, even our PR team are saying, you know, don't fight it because they'll go after you again if you go into arguments with them. So it was really a horrible period of time, you know, things like the tweets that we were getting. I think there was something like over 700 tweets just saying really awful stuff about us, and we can never work out why. We can never work out why they took so much of their time and energy to really try and do us harm when all we were trying to do was help people. And I guess I've probably given up a little bit on that because I do understand the wording of the psychology around it as in, you know, people that maybe can't achieve something. They try to bring other people down to make themselves feel better in that circumstances. So I don't want to really try and understand that. I want to understand it so that I haven't got any resentment towards it. And as I say, you know, I forgive and move on, but the effort that went into to really try and harm not just Dean, not just me, but the kids and the whole thing and the cause, the future causes, all these things that did suffer from it. It never quite resonated with me about how that works in someone's brain. I love to big people up and drive people forward. And if somebody's got something going on, I'm like, I'm there to help you. What do you need from me? Let me see what I can do. Like, I don't get trying to bring people down. It doesn't work.

Melanie Avalon:
It's just so odd and perplexing and i mean i can't even imagine like you said getting hundreds and hundreds of this happening to you and in the public sphere. I know just with me like i've had moments where people have for whatever reason decided they really don't like me and it's like okay you know to the point of like again it's like i'm microcosm example of what you experience but you know creating a fake account and like you know targeting me on every. Different social media platform and like commenting negatively on every post and i'm just so fascinated by it because it's like you were talking about thinking about it's like i just want to know why like like you know what. What is driving that and then and it's hard not to feel defensive or it's hard not to want to defend yourself or respond but it's like what what good is i mean what good is that going to do i mean because it depends on the situation.

Alana Stott:
I think it really only gets to me when I then see it with other people, so when I have stepped up and helped and done other things, it's when I've seen other people getting hurt and I'm like, oh, wait a second, I've been through that, I know what I could do there, I know how I can help in that situation. So I do believe there's a higher power that tests you and sees what you can take and how much you can take so that you can learn these lessons. But funnily enough, a lot of the stuff that went on during that, a lot of the work that I get now is investigative work and helping people, one in particular I had was a couple who were experiencing a bad case of stalking and they had these awful people or person who were sending disgusting letters to their five -year -old daughter and there was just awful, awful things going on in the family. But a lot of the work that I'd done with my stuff, I knew certain things about accounts and various things like that. So I kind of knew how to help them immediately. And so I feel like maybe there was something in that, maybe like I was given these lessons for a reason, I don't know. And I wish I could make those people less angry at the world and more able to accomplish their own things and go out there and do some good in the world. But I don't think there's far too much stuff for me to be doing and to waste energy on that. But it does make me also think about, especially when it came to the kind of severe trolling and the constant messages and we eventually deleted our Twitter account that we had and I think about young kids going through these kind of things and going through the bullying online and it just was so awful because I know as an adult with a good ability to understand things that it still hurt me and it still upsets me. So what young kids must go through when they get these things, it's heartbreaking.

Melanie Avalon:
the social hierarchies of like middle school, for example, were hard enough without social media. I cannot even imagine with social media what that would be like. And I really resonated when you talked about a moment you had where you guys were in, you know, a big British magazine, like was it hello or okay or something. And you talked about your moment where you like wanted your, your, I don't know, was it like your friends from high school or something to see it like you had a flashback to, you know, these, your childhood.

Alana Stott:
Yeah, there was a little bit of me that was like, oh, I'm in this magazine and it's pretty cool now. But yeah, I know it's funny because so much has happened since then, you know, I actually got invited. I received the MB from King Charles in last July for my work with mental health and human trafficking. So you go to the palace to receive your medal. But my school actually invited me back to chat about it and then they'd done a big, big write up on it. So it was, you know, have that moment where little Alana is there and you're almost having that little, see, we're fine. It worked out. Everything worked out fine.

Melanie Avalon:
No, that that's amazing. And like, even in that example, and first of all, congratulations, that's absolutely incredible. So like, for me, I feel like if that were to happen to me, I would, I would have been just so excited about, you know, being invited back to the high school. It's just, it's so interesting how those those pathways from childhood are, you know, so ingrained in us even today with so much amazing stuff happening. Well, this has been absolutely amazing. For listeners, I cannot recommend enough checking out Alana's work. It is so incredible. She Who Dares. And now I have to read your book How to Ask for Money, because that's definitely something that I, I don't like doing that at all. I don't even know that I've done that.

Alana Stott:
Everybody hates it. It's so funny. It's just, you know, everybody, even like my husband, like, you know, the toughest guy in the world, but ask him to send an invoice like, Oh, no, you do it for me. You send that you ask. But yeah, I will get you a copy and I'll get you some of the Dean's book as well. You might enjoy that.

Melanie Avalon:
No, I really do need to read it because I feel like you hinted at it a bit in your book and you talked about how you even found the perfect formula to, to asking for money and it's definitely a skill, especially with all of the projects I'm doing, like it's a skill I need to know how to do and not have so much like stress and anxiety and judgment, I think surrounding it.

Alana Stott:
Well, what I do with how to ask for money was I give the everything. You know, so if you put your all in, you know, like, then go for it. You could, you know, you could win the gold medal of asking for money. But if you just want to take little bits out of it, even we talk about, you know, your, your mind and your body about really, you know, the meditation side, the eating well, you know, making sure that you're, you're, you're going into the presentation in the right physical state, not just about how to write a pitch or what to say, I go into pretty much every detail. So you could do a little bit or you could do, do it all, but hopefully there's something in there for everyone.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh my goodness. Well, if you're open to it, I'd love to read it and have you back on the show later at some point and talk about it because I feel like there's so much insight in there. For sure. I'll get you a copy. Oh, awesome. Thank you. Well, for listeners again, so we'll put links to everything in the show notes. Definitely check out Alana's work. It's just absolutely incredible. The last question that I asked every guest on the show, and it's just because I realized more and more each day how important mindset is. So what is something that you're grateful for?

Alana Stott:
I'm going to be quite cheesy and say my family. I'm grateful for every day that I can wake up that they're with me and that they're just so amazing, three beautiful children. And I'm grateful that I now have a green card and I'm now like officially an immigrant to the US a few weeks ago, so.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh congrats. Oh my goodness. How does that happen when you actually get it? Do they, do they just like send you a letter or they call you like, like, what is that moment?

Alana Stott:
We had to do our final interview. So we've been for years, we've been going through the process and we've been, you know, so we had our like work permits that this gives you the official green card and immigrant status and social security numbers and all these things that that I've been waiting for and the kids have been waiting for. We got the official stamp a few weeks ago and then I got my all my details recently. But yeah, it's very exciting because we've this is the kind of dream and we're we're living it.

Melanie Avalon:
Oh, congrats. Is that the final level or is there like citizenship beyond that?

Alana Stott:
Citizenship's next, yeah. So, obviously, Harley's born here, so she's got hers. She needs to apply for the UK citizenship. And then me and the kids need to do the... But I think we have to be here for a little bit, and then we have to do the exam and, you know, pass all the questions to be an American citizen. But yeah, we'll do that eventually. But yeah.

Melanie Avalon:
Listeners will have to read your book to learn a little story that you had about taking exams and the role of men versus women giving you the exam teaser so thank you so much along i mean you've been so generous with your time and you do so much for our world and i'm just in awe and so inspired just thank you from the bottom of my heart and i will just i just look forward to everything that you do in the future and. Keep on shining Thank you so much.

Alana Stott:
Thank you so much for having me. It's been such a great talk. Bye.